I just read a letter to the men of the world on Allyssa Milan’s blog.
As it seems to me, the letter has a humorous tone even though it addresses serious feelings.
The letter talks about men’s general emotional insensitivity, not about the more extreme abuse that I often post about here. I don’t necessarily agree with all of the advice in the letter, but I definitely recommend reading it and considering its message.
At one point, the letter chastises most men for always trying to “act like a man” so to speak. I think almost everyone looks down upon the attempts that many guys make to seem macho, which comes off as phony and superficial. But I wouldn’t necessarily stop encouraging guys to try to “act like men.” I would just say that hurting people does not qualify as manly, nor does insensitivity towards women. I would suggest that we define manliness as helping other people and taking care of them.
Similarly, I think we can draw a distinction between insensitivity and toughness. Insensitivity refers to not feeling or noticing unpleasant stimuli, whereas toughness refers to withstanding it and dealing with it.
What do you think?
Monday, February 4th 2008 at 9:17 pm
I recently read a book called “Wild at heart” it discussed society and the mans role in it. Women have evolved to wanting a sensitive man that will be understanding of our feelings, know our every thought, know when we want them to talk and when to just listen with a kind ear, basically the qualities that have been found in women for years and probably more what a man wants than a woman. I have found that we want a man that will protect us and act like a leader in our home but when he does we criticize him for being too selfish, controlling, angry, or having anger management problems. I absolutely dont support violence in the home and fight it everyday in my professional life, I just think society has taken away the real meaning of being a man and now we have many confused and angry young men trying to live up to a sterotype of what a man should be.
Sunday, February 3rd 2008 at 7:43 pm
Wow, I read the letter and very simply put looks like nothing but ‘man bashing’ to me.
Over the years I’ve know many many men who are very good at ‘acting like men’ but are some of the most sensitive people I’ve ever known.
I agree totally with your distinction between insensitivity and toughness and think we can all use some of both.